the funeral rites

I'm currently under the influence of this little scene, coming from a genius movie i just saw. It is very true in many ways, which is probably why I can't help but give myself a little credit for feeling the way I do at the moment. Here's the catch: I just found out a few days ago that my ideal job as a feature writer is already in my pocket. With that in mind, the only thing left for me to do is, of course, say yes to my new job and bid goodbye to my current one. Here's where the comparisons arise in what I would call "Expectations versus Reality".

Scenarios: Job Offer and Resignation
Expectations: I always imagined I'd pursue writing as a career. Yes, it took me a while but I knew I would get there. I have been impatient, often times opting for less enticing writing jobs just because I will be writing anyway. With some genius stroke of luck and after almost a year of trial and publishing position rejections, the job came calling. I knew the good days were here because I managed to nail every interview I had with Summit. I thought to myself that if and when they hire me, I'd be the happiest, most desperate, and trying hard guy on the planet. I'd tell everybody, including my current boss, about the job offer and he'll be happy for me because he always knew how much I would love to be paid to write. My family and I would be celebrating big time, just as any guy who landed a good job would. Fuck, this year's this time of year is so much better than last year's this time of year.

Reality: The job came calling. I knew the good days were here because I managed to nail every interview I had with Summit, except for the initial one. When they did hire me, what I was supposed to feel was nowhere to be found, or felt. I froze out of guilt, realizing how fucked my boss would be when I resign. I thought to myself that I'd be the sickest, most desperate, and trying hard guy on the planet. BTE is running out of creatives and is currently on the process of rebuilding; I'm the only non-newbie guy left, to be precise. I eventually had to tell everybody, including my current boss, about the job offer and I swear his face indicated he wanted to kill me despite knowing how much I would love to be paid to write. My family and I have been worrying how to say it big time, just as any guy who landed a job over another would. I'm currently on my 5th day as the guy who bailed on everybody when everybody needed him the most. Management won't speak to me and has been ignoring me for days. Two good things came about this scenario though: a) I did get the job after all and b) my colleagues are supporting me. But fuck, this year's this time of year is still so much better than last year's this time of year.

I got a month left to make this scenario better, before I start my 500 days somewhere else.

For some reason people blog about their personal stuff online, only to find it too cheesy and regrettable in the long run. Or is it just me?

i like "restore from saved draft". it keeps on popping up every time i try to blog, which is not quite often. i see it as the thing that holds your thought; just fucking say it whenever your ready. it's so much like the rest of us. we actually have so much more to say than we do. we just don't know how to make it sound right, or feel right. it's really hard to be yourself when blogging, because you always, always want to make it sound clever. not because you wanna be, but because you can. you can say it that way, on paper. but in reality, these things won't fit you. it doesn't sound like you. it doesn't look like you. and they start judging you. i love people's blogs because they spend so much time emphasizing the point of what their minds are thinking, something i like doing. i don't get it from them personally, but i do get it from their blogs.

i'm not a big fan of honesty but i really admire the truth, even on paper. everything i mentioned above, i just did in this post. i don't like ending things in periods, it makes such a statement. so i will end this with a silent nonsense sentence and not use the period as an ending punctuation,

This is one of those memories that will give you two immediate reactions: quick happiness for the amusement and sadness for missing those days shortly after. I remember one of us proposed we do this and surprisingly, everybody just said "ok", even Ipapo. I rarely love past pictures, I usually feel embarrassed whenever I see my old cellphone cams. But i love this one. I swear that when we are at the peak of our careers, earning like a rock star, kids playing in the sand, and wives on their 4th labor, this lame gesture will happen again. When that time comes, same pose, same place!

my 3rd year anniversary. I'll never put this in the title, being the un-cheezy man that I aspire to be. Now I know 3 years ain't that long (of course it's long), but changes have been drastic. And even though she's still always late and I'm still always...late as well, the difference is everything's default now. And I mean that in a good way. Things will change though, for I will!
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. That's Andy Warhol for you!

my ultimate goal. I realized that money and my own house are light years away from being achieved (I have a campaign to make it by 30), so right now I just want to write. A few days ago I came up with three words that best describes what I want at the moment: Write, Right, and Fight. I really want to fight, literally. Blame it on the UFC, lol

what I think of problems. I think we have no idea what the problem is. Problems in your life has degrees deep deep down you don't even see how it really, really started. I realized that's how people ask God why. And I'll stop right there.

That's not true, Beatle people!

It's really hard not to judge a book by its cover. I mean literally. Maybe I love movies because I don't read books? It's a very important privilege that I haven't included in my days. Thinking about how many books out there waiting for me makes me really excited. But there's so many books out there waiting for me it feels like I'm about to read the wrong one every time. Terrible!

perfect example of how different our minds work these days.

My name value went way up last week. After finding out that we won the pitch for the "buddy" event, all I could think of was how thankful yet surprised I am that things went my way. Not to be pessimistic, but I'm not one of those guys who gets what they want just like that. I'm not really used to taking credit for anything, good or bad. So while everyone's celebrating, I was kind of feeling awkward. It felt like my birthday, not only because I'm feeling happy, but because everyone's expecting my reaction.

But this week's hell of a lot bigger. My co-creative, Jo, went down with some serious illness, leaving me versus three existing accounts (all due this week) and three more coming in next week. Deal breakers like this can easily break the reputation I had last week. I'm not even that worried about what they'll think of me; my biggest concern is how do I do these things in a span of a week. And next week's holy week. Holy crap. Sorry.

Earlier today I got to work again with my former team in McCann. It felt somewhat awkward, but it could have been worse.

Now meet Joe black. It's such a pleasure for me to have this black dog by my side. There is something really great about Joe in ways that only an "amo" and his "alaga" can understand. I'm not the biggest Animal Planet viewer, but I really have a soft spot for animals. More specifically, for dogs.

Many times now I have wondered what it feels like to live like a canine. I have been really bitter with the harsh realities of life and the standards one should be in to fit in to society. I wonder how Joe sees life, and how simple and small it must be for him. Sometimes I wonder if a dog thinks about the concept of yesterday or tomorrow. People say a dog's brain can be compared to a 5-year old kid at its peak. Joe is 7 years old in dog years, and right now his life is so transparent. Everybody knows what he likes doing, what kind of food he doesn't eat, who he chooses to bark on, and the likes. Joe has a routine, and he's doing it everyday. See,that's what's great about being an animal. They may not be rational, but maybe it's a good thing. Rationality and simplicity doesn't go together. We just won't settle with what we're getting. We think, therefore we feel this way.

Anyway, Joe is the epitome of a boy toy dog. If he was human, he'd be the young kid with the baseball cap looking all greasy and dirty after playing with the other kids. Joe is so great I don't know what I would do if I lose him. I bought this dog for a pretty small price from my good friend Jan Ipapo, who owns a poodle and a mini pincher. The result was Joe, along with his brothers and sisters. I remember when he was first handed to me Joe was so small he could literally fit in my palm. He was shaking like crazy as well, but now he's definitely feeling at home. I have this little wish that Joe gets to see his siblings again. That's not really hard to do, but that would be weird on my part. I gave Joe to Jenn soon after, and I think this is the best thing I ever did for her. We used to call him Joey, then it was shortened to Joe. I really don't know how or why, but we settled with Joe. I call him crazy Joe, dirty Joe, curious Joe, whatever I see him do at the moment. I don't talk to dogs like other people do, I just call them by their name and play with them without talking to them. I'm not really great with kids, so I try to make up for it with dogs. Joe's a real good kid.

I got an interesting account to work on for next week, a familiar one. It's great because this is such a familiar brand, but it sucks because it's a pitch and everyone thinks I can nail it like I own it. For several months, I kinda did. I hate early deal breakers like this, but I guess I'll just have to prepare, dress, and impress. I'll probably open old folders on my computer this weekend. It wouldn't help me much, but somehow it will.

I've been coming in late for four straight days because of the riot at EDSA every morning. I found a relatively unknown passageway to get to the MRT platform without having to join the mosh pit madness, and I blame myself for not listening to my brother when he told me about that passageway a week ago. Even if you arrive at the MRT station 30 minutes early, or 30 minutes late, the matter of the fact is you will encounter a huge pile of guys like myself, all rushing but feeling hopeless deep inside. It's the same shit everyday, same scenario, same behavior. I swear you will never see a single smile in there. Everyone's grouchy and selfish, and I can't blame them. The only people you will see smiling are people who doesn't ride the MRT everyday and are surprised of what they ended up seeing. I'm not used to this kind of riot because I used to leave the house really late before, and I always get away with it.

But that's just the bad part, everything's fine afterwards. I like going home from work, especially because me and Jenn often end up going home together all the way to Quezon City. At least we try to. If there's time, we catch up on a hard day's night by eating out anywhere in the area. Then we always try to catch the MRT ride home, which for me is way less stressful than the morning ride. Though I don't mind going home alone, this set-up is a lot better. That's my buddy right there.

Tonight I'm going to try to go the gym. Thursday nights have Body Combat classes, and I like Thursday nights because I love Friday mornings. I haven't been there since Sunday, which isn't so long ago, but if I don't go to Body Combat class, I probably won't have the will to go there on another day. Gym Buddy!

I am doing good the past few days. The system of things are in my favor. I am getting more productive, and as a result gaining more recognition this early. I'm meeting and working with nice people. I've done stuff the past few days I thought I'd never have patience to do. It still sucks, but everything's doable. I've also been surprising myself on how much a little mindset can change the way I work. I could work really long hours if needed. I'm still getting used to the early mornings, because God knows how late I've been waking up for the past few months. I can never understand why 9 in the morning is so important and crucial.

What I hate the most is having to wake up when I don't want to. I also hate the rush hour, the incredibly long lines, the hassle, the riot for the next MRT, the bus to Cubao expecting unoccupied taxi cabs. What's worse is even if you resort to riding a taxi even if you don't want to, you will not find a taxi driver who's willing to take you to Makati. Right now I'm thinking of finding a way to elude this daily experience without having to give up my sleeping hours. Too bad driving isn't an option, as I unlearn everything I thought I knew when I enrolled in driving school.

But I'm doing good the past few days. Mindset! Mindset!

4 months wasn't supposed to be that long, but for me, it was THAT long. I don't really write and blog about my job, but this one's got to go out.

God, after 4 long months, I finally have a stable job again. I think I was a little too proud that's why it lasted this long. And to think how I managed to still go out everyday and pay my gym membership without a steady income. Thank God for those never-ending sidelines, the shirt business, and of course, the back pay. my hard earned cash savings weren't touched at all. Now I'm just so grateful there are companies willing to consider me. I watched the news recently and learned that 3,000 Filipinos will lose their jobs this year, and it bothered me a lot. Because it's so HARD to find the job you want; heck it's hard to find a job at all. I expected calls by December and January, but ended up getting one, or none.

Interestingly, almost all the days of February proved different, as I decided to do a more extensive job hunt. I would like to think right timing finally gave me my second break. Calls came almost all at the same time, which is a real blessing. The past 4 weeks were crazy, because I entertained each and every one of them, desperate to land a good one soon. Soon I got real picky again. But if I have no other choice, I wouldn't act that way. I even joke to myself that I am a "professional job hunter" because that's what I've been doing for so long.

I also can't help but feel sorry whenever I see a jobless man holding an envelope while looking for companies that hopefully, are willing to hire them. It was hard for me, and I thought I had a pretty nice resume. I could only imagine how extremely difficult it is for them.

Now that it's all about to happen again, it's like your typical summer vacation as a student. You kind of hate the beginning because you'll miss your schoolmates. Then you'll get lots of free time, and start to get used to it. When the new school year starts, it's exciting to see your friends again, but you wish your vacation would last just a little longer. That's kind of what I'm feeling right now.

I think God answered my prayers weeks ago, it's just me that was not ready to take it just yet. Me and Jenn even celebrated a week ago thinking that I finally landed a good one, but I ended up rejecting that one and saying yes to a better one a week later. At least the better one for me.

And it's not often that I will say things like this, but have I not have a girlfriend who's as understanding as Jenn, I might be an epic failure up to this day. My pride was off the roof, and she's the one always reminding me that I need to do something about my situation. I've been a huge burden to her, even though I've been trying real hard not to become one. I was quite sensitive with the topic of being jobless, though it got easier after a while, especially when I found out that I have a couple of friends who resigned and did the same things I did. I tried things to earn my share of money while job hunting. December was a good month in the shirt business, so it pretty much saved me that time in terms of allowance and utilization. By January, things weren't as busy as the month before, so I tried writing online for a couple of weeks to earn money. I think it helped my resume a little, having lots of "rakets" and all. But at the end of the day what I needed was a stable job.

If there's one thing I regret most about having plenty of free time, it's the fact that I wasn't able to capitalize on that opportunity. I was too busy thinking about earning money and finding a job that I didn't realize I could have learned how to ride a bike, or go to places I haven't been to and wasn't able to go to when I was still working. This is wishful thinking, but I could have written a damn book during those 4 months. I could have been with Julius in Davao swimming with the dolphins. Heck, I could have spent time learning how to be a good swimmer. But come to think of it, I deprived myself of these things because I was trying not to spend too much money too soon. The good thing is, I have more money than I should have today.

One thing I am thankful for: I had a great time singing with AB Chorale though. It was a new yet familiar scene. I missed it so much that I regret leaving that org before. And I missed it so much that I was looking forward to rehearse as much as I could. And that's because I got lots of time, hehe.

I've learned a lot from my previous job. But the lesson I will always keep in mind is that I am not the best out there, so I should not take things for granted. This experience has humbled me a lot. I hope to gain self-confidence again as I progress with life.

the upcoming graduation is such as huge deal for me, mainly because my high school graduation wasn't as big and i had the easiest time surviving high school. pero nitong college ay parang napakatagal, parang pag nag summarize ako ng buhay ko ngayon puro sa college ang maalala ko. dahil din siguro ang college years din ang years na magbabago ang lahat, mula sa "anong lalaruin ko" hanggang sa "saan tayo papasyal o sino ang liligawan" hanggang sa "saan ba ako unang magtatrabaho" na mindset. ang trabaho, parang buong taon pinaguusapan namin, parang ang tagal-tagal na kaming hinihintay. pero ngayon na talagang yun na lang ang hinihintay, nakakatakot padin pala. masarap mag-imagine kung saan ka makakapasok pero kapag nagpasa kana marerealize mo hindi pala ikaw yung "best" na akala mo, o at least makikita mo na hindi ka nag-iisa sa pag-iisip na ikaw ang "best".

nung high school ako, nababataan ako sa mga elementary. nung nag college ako, nababataan ako sa mga high school. pero ngayong graduating nako, hinding-hindi ako nababataan sa mga college students. kasi kapareho ko na magisip yang mga yan. at least some of them. i also saw how possible things are in college if you and your friends work hard enough to make that thing happen. pero kelangan may pera, hehe. natuto ako maglakad ng mga papeles(barely), mag-organize ng event, handle money big enough to buy a cheap car, magperform kasama ang choir sa event ni manny villar, manalo ng awards, manligaw, magka-girlfriend, makapunta sa puso ng maynila, o nang quiapo, mag dean's lister at hindi ulit mag dean's lister, makagawa ng jingle, documentaries, mapunta sa tv, magcamera man ng biglaan, makagala ng mas malayo sa sm north, etc.

naniniwala tuloy ako na many things you will do later on in life, you learned to do in college. kapag nahirapan kang gawin ang isang bagay nung college ka, mahihirapan kang gawin yun kahit matanda ka na. feel ko kahit successful nako hindi ko masasagot ang algebra at biology. i know probably a year from now magbabago na naman ang lahat at sasabihin ko kung gaano kalaki ang difference ng professional sa isang estudyante, pero at least may ebidensya ako ngayon na ito ako noong gagraduate nako. ganito ako mag-isip, ito ang mga nagawa ko, ito ang mga natutunan ko.

ngayon wala na tayong excuse para sabihing hindi ko kaya yan, bata pako. kasi kung hindi natin gagawin ngayon walang gagawa nun para saten. tayo na ang bubuhay sa sarili natin, magpapakain, magreregalo, mag-iisip ng sariling expenses. i'd like to think na i'm getting closer to the last step of rest of my life, dahil ang natitira nalang ay magtrabaho, pagkatapos ay magretire. hehe drama

congratulations sa mga graduating, tayo ang batch 2008 na tutulong sa batch 2007 at 2006 at nang mga iba pang batch, na ipagpatuloy ang kinabukasan ng ating bansa.

p.s. arden, ayan ha. hehe

tsk tsk nakakalungkot talaga malaman na ang isa sa aking pinakakilalang wwe superstar ay nakagawa ng matinding karahasan sa kanyang sarili at sa kanyang pamilya. sobrang natuwa pa naman ako nang maging champion xa dahil feel ko deserve niya maging champion dahil matagal na xa sa wwe at masarap panuorin. kung anomang rason ni benoit at nagawa niya ang pagpatay sa kanyang pamilya, parang nakakatakot na sa tv napapanuod mo na successful and respetado pero sa tunay na buhay pala e nagkakaproblema na pala sa pamilya. minsan tuloy naiisip ko kung paano ba ang buhay sa wrestling business at ang dami2 nagpapakamatay o namamatay out of mysterious causes. at ang average age of death nilang lahat ay 40-45 years old. grabe mas matagal pa nabubuhay ang football players kesa sa kanila. sina eddie guerrero, curt hennig, davey boy smith, big boss man, bam bam bigelow, crash holly, lahat sila namatay na unknown ang dahilan. si owen hart lang ang namatay nang aksidente, the rest stroke o kaya suicide o kaya overdose. mabuti pa si hulk hogan buhay pa he2...sobrang apektado tuloy ang mga wrestling fans na katulad ko, dahil mula elementary napapanuod kona yan si benoit, tapos ganyan lang pala pagtatapos ng buhay, sobrang layo ng character niya sa totoong buhay niya.

today is my last day at my ojt. actually extended lang talaga pero last day nato. at ngayon naniniwala na talaga ako na you really learn pag ikaw na talaga ang nakakaranas at nakakakita, bukod sa mga tinuturo lang sa classroom. marami ako natutunan sa aking advertising subject pero mas marami ako natutunan sa ojt. sa tingin ko mag-aagree ang mga tao saken kapag sinabi kong after ng isang ojt experience lalo na kung maganda ang naging experience mo masasabi mong "napakagaling mo na at may edge na ako sa ibang mga kapwa ko aspiring advertisers". yan din naman ang nararamdaman ng karamihan ng mga nag ojt din tulad ko.  pero alam ko pa rin naman na pare-pareho kami lahat natuto at hindi mo masasabing may edge ka sa iba. syempre papatunayan pa rin natin ang ating mga sarili sa isa't isa. mamimiss ko talaga ang desk ko, mga mrt rides, counter strike pag lunchtime, pagbabasura at pagpupuri ng mga nagawa mo o naisip mo, pakikisalamuha sa mga empleyado dito, mga shooting with free food, pantry, greenbelt fridays, hataw na initiative bakal list, accounts and creative people, mon and abby jimenez "hello" moments, at higit sa lahat, my co-interns. napakahusay at napakabait at magagandang co-interns. ha3 joke lang. plus free photoshop sessions tae yabang ko na pag photoshop usapan. mamimiss ko rin ang unlimited internet at freehand na hindi ko magagawa sa bahay ko. mamimiss ko rin yung unang araw ko nakaka-starstruck ang mga tao.
parang eto na yung tipong pag nanonood kayo ng tv biglang, "oy yabang ko nandyan ako nang ginawa yang ad na yan". syempre may mga bad times parin lalo na kapag nagiging humble kame sa mga paninira sa mga gawa namin. pero kahit ano pa yan, ayos lang. pero totoo, i was deeply humbled he2 dahil iba parin talaga yung totohanang presentation ibabasura talaga pag hindi gusto kahit pinagpuyatan pa o nagustuhan ng iba. Kahit hindi man ako mauwi sa JimenezBasic pagkagraduate ko, bilib parin ako kasi alam ko kung gaano kahaba ang pinagdaanan ng isang idea bago tuluyang ma-produce at mapalabas sa telebisyon. kung umabot man sa telebisyon. pwede rin sa trash can.

http://mikeyagulto.multiply.com

recently, ang laki ng improvement ko sa pag-aaral ng photoshop.

natatawa lang ako sa sarili ko. gustong gusto ko na mag-ojt pero wala akong maalala sa mga dinaanan namin sa mga kalye ng ayala. in fairness naka-ilang balik kami dun ha. ayos!

tapos na ang absc elections. as usual, napaka-emotional ng mga tao sa ganitong panahon. pero sa totoo lang, ibang experience. masarap maging parte. kahit di ako nakapagbilang ayos lang

unti-unti nakong naniniwala na ang section namin ang pinaka-creative sa lahat. nakakatuwa lang ang mga recognitions na nakukuha ng gawang-3ca4. sana since malapit na matapos ang schoolyear, wala nang bad news sa section namin. umaasa ako sa theatre arts na play, nakakamiss yung success nung play namin sa english e. naiyak ako dun sa cooperation naming lahat e,  hehe joke

narealize ko ngayong araw nato na with all the things happening around us, ayoko muna mabigo sa kung anumang gagawin ko. there's this feeling na kelangan walang mali para hindi ako nakakafil na napag-iiwanan ako. kanina kasi ay dapat akong mag-abot ng casa shirts sa dalawang sections bago mag 1pm. ngunit bago ang lahat kelangan ko muna puntahan yung factory upang kunin ang mga damit na napakabigat at umuulan pa at comute lang ako at wala naman akong pasok kaya nakakatamad. so with all those odds, i failed to make it on time. it was partly my fault kaya masama ang aking loob, ayoko lang na nabibigo sa pinagplanuhan kasi pagbabayaran mo yan kinabukasan pag hindi mo nagawa. nakakafrustrate din kapag walang katulong sa isang gawain, pakiramdam mo wala kang karamay kung mabigo ka, at lalo na kung kelangan mo ng tulong. pero at the same time, recently i've been feeling confident na i'm doing a good job for myself. kung noon nafifil ko na hindi ko nagagampanan ang aking duties bilang officer, recently na-test ko ang aking patience and commitment. minsan talaga nagagawa mo pala ang mga bagay lalo na pag pressured.ayokong mag-brag masyado, ako lang naman ang makakapansin kung magaling ako o hindi, dahil ako lang ang nakakapagmonitor ng ginagawa ko araw-araw. pero para sakin, sa mga nakaraang araw dahil sa shirts, nasubukan ang kasipagan ko, at hindi ko masasabing nabibigo ako dahil tinapos ko ang isang bagay na akala ng the rest ay poproblemahin pa nila. gusto kong magpasalamat sa tulong na aking nakuha, sobrang salamat,  pero i'm proud to say na i carried this thing by myself, kahit sobrang delayed. kaya kahit nakakapagod, hindi nako makapaghintay na matapos, dahil siguradong magiging masaya at satisfied ako sa ending ng termino ko.

February 9, 2007
for two years lagi kami nagpaplano ni rhockie na magcelebrate ng sabay para isang bagsakan na lang since pareho naman ang birthday namin. pero somehow hindi nangyayari. this year finally ay natuloy na yehey pareho rin delayed ng 4days. hehe belated to us!!!

There are a couple of good and recognized political parties in AB such as GAP, SDP, Act Now, and Dekada. But then again there's this political party...